Kim Walker-Smith - I Know (Live)

Please take a listen. I heard this song for the first time last night and I was so in love with God's thoughtfulness in leading me to this song.





I know nothing is impossible

I know every chain is breakable

I know on Christ the solid rock I stand

My fear is conquered by His perfect love

My life is ransomed by His royal blood

I know on Christ the solid rock I stand









 

Release And Let Go

This morning during worship I felt small teardrops begin to form. I heard God say, "Release & let go. You're going to have to release all of those things that hinder you and move forward." Then he asked me to sit down as the tears began to stream and I just thought about where I've been, where I am and where I know God wants me to go. 

He went on to say, "You can't come here every Sunday and bring your problems and hurts to the altar and then pick them back up and take them with you. You can't keep carrying your past pain. Yes, some stuff hurt but you survived the divorce, you worked hard to get out of the bad mortgage, you did all you could to make sure Tyler was supported early to prevent communication problems, you made sure Alex graduated from college, you survived the stroke and when the doctor suggested an unbelievable diagnosis last month you told him absolutely no. You have been hurt unbelievably and in some cases immeasurably but you've learned to speak to your problems and you believe that God is going to bless you with good and perfect gifts but Arlinda those gifts can't get to you while you hold on to what happened in the past and you have to stop taking it out on people who had nothing to do with that hurt. Especially people that you know love and adore you." 

Release and let go.
It's already done.

Release and let go.
All things work together.

Release and let go.
God will perfect those things that concern you.

Release and let go.
Seek Him first and watch him add.

Release and let go.
He gave Jabez that which he requested. He'll do the same for you.

Release and let go.
If Jesus can turn water to wine, then he can turn your pain to praise, your hurt to a hallelujah, your tears to a testimony, he can use your disappointments as he moves you towards your destiny.

Hallelujah, you have won the victory 
Hallelujah, you have won it all for me

Death could not hold you down
You are the risen king
Seated in majesty 
You are the risen king

"But you have to let go first. You're like a little girl holding on to broken toys just because. Release and let go. It's the only way to move forward." 

I sat there honestly just trying to hold it together. But honestly I've been a mess lately, especially today and I so appreciate God coming to tell me that I have to loose those things from my grasp. I have to stop trying to control aspects of my life when I know God has a plan and when I think I'm loosing control realize that he already worked it out for me when he won the victory. Here's the part that's messed up, I know all of this and yet fear and doubt creeps in and rushes over me and then I'm more of a mess than before. 

I know I have to get from hurt to hallelujah. 

Release

and

Let

Go

And once I do. God, fill me up til I overflow. I want to run over. 

Today I'm grateful to every woman that hugged me, poured into me and made me laugh. I struggled with coming to church today but I promise it was the best place for me to be to feel loved on. I'm a work in progress and I know that I hurt someone unintentionally today and that hurts me because they have been nothing but awesome towards me. I honestly have to release and let go for myself and for others. 

Namaste 

"YOU Have Won The Victory" William Murphy lyrics

What Type Of Ship Is This?

Today I spent time with some spoken word artists 

So, I thought let me drop some fire

Ok.... 

That's not necessarily true

Kinda but

Not necessarily

I will say this though

I have been nauseous all week

I remember thinking earlier this week

What is this?

Where is it coming from?

But I let it go for several days

Then yesterday came

It felt like I was on a ship

OMG!!!!!

I couldn't move without feeling sick

Then I couldn't sleep

Whatever was bothering me

I just wanted to throw it up and get it out.

Here's the thing

It wasn't food related

I realized that today 

because I became frantic

I'm texting my girlfriends 

I need help!

I'm sick for no reason.

One told me to pray.

Another told me to connect the dots

I was unraveling

It was bad

Therapy is next week but 

I needed a right now intervention

So I began to write 

to examine all of my previous relationships

Then

I saw a pattern

That

I'd never notice before

that existed with every relationship 

Out of nowhere a flood of tears

And a true cry ensued

that forced out the nausea that 

had consumed me

A friendship 

was causing

unhealed roots to surface

&

It came in the form of nausea

That for days 

Took over my life

Friendship?

A quiet voice echos 

the sentiments of several girlfriends

Is this a friendship?

Like, are you sure?

Cause

Ummmmm

You sure?

Yeah, I'm sure.

but 

Today I exclaimed.

I don't know what this ship is!

Friendship

Relationship

Partnership

Fellowship

Old Ship of Zion

I just don't know

In therapy I've learned

that when my foundation begins to tremble

I have to address

the issue

So

I came up with

a self-care plan

Cause

now I'm self-aware

that my foundation 

needs tending to

I breathe

I see things that I imagine

I feel like the waves

are trying to stabilize 

then through the smoke

I receive a 1Cor13 message

but

This can't be

used so loosely

Not right now

Not ever

How do you get to say that right now?

The more I ponder the idea of 

What is this ship?

I realize that time

&

space have forced

me 

to 

deal

with the roots of the ships

before

The ships that

left

abandoned

disregarded

took for granted

&

hurt

long before this ship

even showed up

I thought

 I was 

ok

I thought 

I was 

good

with the ships that had passed

only to realize

they may have passed 

but they were never checked

They were never told

You can't treat

me just 

anyway 

anymore

You can't test my

patience

cause

I'm high maintenance 

I never knew

to tell them

until

this

ship 

showed 

up

Now 

I don't want to 

play no games

play no games

I'm tired of 

the same old thing

It Went Down In the DM.... Well Kinda

Exactly one month ago I received a friend request on Fb. I thought absolutely nothing of it. Within an hour I received a DM from him. My immediate thought was, "What does he want? Why is he calling me Christine? He don't even know me." But then something happened.

The conversation continued for days and we finally met in person. To be honest, when we first met I was not feeling it at all. He was nice. We laughed but there was no attraction. So with that we had a good visit and we went on about our way. I pretty much thought he thought the same things, so I definitely was not expecting to hear from him again. 

However......

There was something that seemed to draw us to each other. Within days after the visit, we were talking more and hanging out more. The conversations centered around our faith and our families. We discussed our upbringings and our careers. We discussed past hurts and future hopes. 

We clearly had some differences but those differences made for good conversations and within a couple of weeks our friendship had begun to establish itself as a force to be reckoned with. We became safe spaces for each other to be our truest authentic selves. We both could be existing in the same space doing those things that brings us happiness, with me it was writing or reading a chapter and with him it was dancing around and bonding with his family, Yet we were able to find time for both verbal and nonverbal cues that said, "I'm glad that you're around. You're beautiful. You matter to me."

For me that was very different than previous experiences with becoming friends with men. Here is this guy really making time to get to know me, pouring into me, covering me with prayer and showering me with beautiful thoughts and compliments. Who at first I was like, "Naw, this is not what the people want." Now the thought is, "You two are perfect for each other in this season of your lives." We've both been through a lot lately, to some extent we both had given up hope in several areas of our lives. To be able to sit and have those conversations with no expectations of sex, no expectations of being taken for granted and no expectation of this friendship being hurtful like our past experiences has made his initial DM kinda cool. 

And dude a trooper because sometimes something will trigger me and my defenses go up and the walls circle around me. He's so patient with me and he always makes it a point to try to make things better for me. Fortunately we have a mutual friend who we get on the phone to assist when we really need it. lol Ok. Ok. We don't really get that bad but calling our friend has become a "thing to do" to hold us accountable and to make sure we stay on track. 

Self-Care Saturdays ~ The Oil

Do you know what can kick start your day? Essential oils. You can either burn some candles or purchase an oil diffuser. I can honestly say that I bought my GuruNanda diffuser from Walgreens. Yes, Walgreens. They sell diffusers and essential oils in the section where you will find vitamins. My favorite scent is lavender. However, I've learned that peppermint, tea tree oil and lemon grass easily awaken my senses. I'm getting better at mixing different scents together and noticing my reaction to them.

My weekend began with a scented vanilla almond candle and orange and cedarwood essential oils in my diffuser. There's such a pleasant feel to my home when scents are permeating the air. Self-care can simply be taking the time to enjoy the pleasant aromas of essential oils. Inhale. Exhale. Ahhhhh!!!!!!

Just Breathe....

Namaste

Fab Fridays

Where my girls at? From the front to back. Are you feeling' that?

This Fab Friday I'm dedicating to all of my girlfriends who stay fly regardless of their situations and circumstances. To those rocking weaves and/or their natural hair. Some people know how to do both effortlessly. To those who can't figure out how to draw on an eyebrow and just work with the arch God blessed them with. To those who'd rather rock a high fashion flat than try to figure out that their heel is too high and you forgot your footies and you can't seem to find your child to go to the car to retrieve them. To those who get overwhelmed with the CVS eyelash display and just stick with the 10-12 natural lashes that you have. (I feel that for somebody.) Ok. Somebody is me. I feel that for me. lol

I will say that I learned here lately while rocking my natural baby fro. Being your most natural self can be rewarding if you rock it how you like it. I love me some weaves but it's something about J. Cole rapping, "Now, is it real? Eyebrows, fingernails, hair. Is it real?" Yaasssss!!! It all is!!!!!

Oh, but wait. Even if those things aren't real we are still fearfully and wonderfully made. Never ever forget that. God made no mistakes when he made you.

Namaste

Have A Fab Friday