To say this past week has been one of the more emotional weeks of my life is an understatement. First the death and video of Alton Sterling. Once I was able to get together I saw the video of Philando Castile. By Thursday morning I was a bunch of nerves. I was hurt, angry, sad, mad...
I was really sad for Alton's 15 year old son and Philando's girlfriend for having to endure all of this pain in front of the world. I was mad that two more African American men were added to hashtags and CNN reports. I've always had a reaction to death that would alarm my mom in my early teens and on into adulthood. I hurt for hurt people and death puts me in a place so distant and so far away that at times it is hard to come back from.
So on Thursday night I was already beginning to withdraw, I could feel it. I went to the only comfort I knew, the Bible. I put on my headphones and allowed the narrator to read me to a peaceful sleep. It was the best I had felt in days. Until around midnight the phone rang in my headphones and I sat straight up on the couch to the concerned voice of my mom, "Are you watching the news? Officers have been killed in Dallas." No!!!!!!! We can't take anymore. It's too much!!
Immediately my heart raced as I turned to CNN and when I saw the headline my heart sank. That peacefulness was gone as I thought of more families having to deal with death. I knew at that moment after listening to a live stream of Bishop TD Jakes that I had to unplug. I had to disconnect. I couldn't take it anymore.
This week has been traumatic. We can't undo what we've seen. We've seen death live. We've seen death recorded. We've watched the results of one planning for death. Many people are going through their day to day life not realizing they are under stress and what that stress means. For me it's been sleepless nights, over worrying about my son when he goes out at night, even when he goes to get something out of his car.
Since late Thursday, early Friday I have not been on Facebook. I had to step away for myself. I totally understand the impact that death at the hand of police officers have had on our communities and I also understand that 5 officers in Dallas lost their lives and the impact that has on their communities. Somehow the supporters of both communities have to come together, our country is hurting right now and we need a healing for our souls.
If Romans 8:28 tells us that it all works together then it holds true that the fallen lives of Alton Sterling, Philando Castille, Brent Thompson, Patrick Zamarippa, Michael Krol , Michael Smith, and Lorne Ahrens have to push our communities and our country to move forward together and learn the powerful lessons needed to prevent this for happening again.