Things to remember for a mistake free Thanksgiving 2015:
• Kraft cheese and macaroni is NOT macaroni and cheese. [I will punch you in your face and set your kitchen on fire if you invite me over with this sitting on your table]
• Stove Top Stuffing is NOT dressing. [I will karate chop your throat and set your kitchen on fire again if you take this out the oven]
• Regardless of how you feel, cranberry sauce (without the cranberries) is essential to any Thanksgiving menu. #period
• Keep your generic watered down hot sauce in the cabinets, on Thanksgiving Franks Red Hot is the only hot sauce that should be on any table.
• If the best dessert you have to offer are 2 over hyped Patti Labelle Sweet Potato Pies, please take me off the invite list...on Thanksgiving the only people who should be eating #Pattipies are the Labelles... #letusnotbeLAZY
• If nothing on the table looks or smells right, you're probably at the wrong house...[The eyes and nose don't lie]
• Don't sit until someone directs you where to sit: many-a-guest get cussed out for almost sitting in "Granddaddy's Chair"
• Always, always, always have a reason to leave on standby...no one ever questions, "I gotta get up and go to work in the morning" [even if you're out if town] #thankmelater
• If you can't cook, now is NOT the time to learn. #youWILLgetyourfeelingshurt
• Even if you CAN cook, now is not the time to experiment with new recipes. #itneverturnsoutright
• If it's your first time cooking for a group this large, don't get offended when people ask who made what? #itsjustwhatwedo
• DO get offended if after everyone has eaten there was only a scoop out of the corner of your dish...it means someone (normally the best cook in the family) sampled it and gave it 2 thumbs down. #wordtravelsfast
• Stay in your lane, dont get cute and stick to what you know. [What do I mean? Glad you asked...If you are the greens person stick to greens, if you are the sweet potato person stick to sweet potatoes, if you are the dressing person, say it with me...STICK TO DRESSING]
• Don't be that person who starts eating before the matriarch or patriarch OFFICIALLY blesses the food [everyone will begin to question your hometraining]...not sure what a #matriarch or #patriarch is? I suggest you #Google it before Thursday.
• Just because all the family is together doesn't mean it's time for show and tell...[all announcements aren't good announcements] #ijs
• When people begin to argue [and yes they will argue] if it isn't your momma or something being said about your momma, mind your business and continue eating your Macaroni and Cheese...
• Please don't stop talking abruptly, making things more awkward/uncomfortable when your uncle walks in the door with his new girlfriend while his ex-wife of 2 weeks and kids are sitting on the couch talking to granny - just mind your business and continue eating your Macaroni and Cheese...
• Don't tell people to be at your house at 3pm and start cooking at 2:30. [This is not the time to be fashionably late or on CP time]
• If your skills in Spades or Taboo are subpar trying to play on Thanksgiving day is a NO-NO. Just do everyone a favor and join the kids in the den playing chutes and ladders...
• Know who to let bless the food. You'll mess around look up and your cousins are preparing to take offering... #JesusweptAmen
• Bringing over your own to go plate supplies is smart yet tacky and frowned upon in many establishments. [So be smart and discreet about yours].
I can't express the importance of this next one, it could potentially save jail time, lawsuits and friendships:
• Don't leave your friends alone with your drunk uncle. [This scenario could end in so many ways - none of which are good]
• Looks can be deceiving, please understand EVERYONE has a drunk uncle no matter what they say...
• If it's not your house DON'T change the channel - even if you're the only person in the room. #trustme
• NEVER accept an invite to Thanksgiving dinner from someone you aren't serious about...no matter how hungry you are [trust me it never ends well].
• Make sure you don't stuff yourself so you can be at my bday bash [The 9th Annual Sagittarius Birthday Bash] on the 28th @ Taste!!! Doors open at 10:30pm and we rocking late...
• [lastly] Enjoy your time with your family and friends and be THANKFUL for the things you do have...
Cheers to a mistake free Thanksgiving 😉
This post was gently lifted from Curtis Mann's Facebook Page. I had to share it. 😊