Crying is not a setback. It’s a release. Holding everything in doesn’t make you stronger, it makes the weight heavier. Grief needs somewhere to go, and tears are often the safest place for it to land. They don’t mean you’re undone; they mean you’re processing. You're processing what was. You're processing letting go.
When I was in the hospital people would come to visit almost daily. Every time someone would walk into my room I thought, "Oh my God!" & I would immediately begin to cry. Visitors came daily. Some were such a surprise. I would simply cry at the sight of them because it was overwhelming. Knowing that people had thought enough about me to come and visit me at the hospital or hang out with me in the hospital made me reel so vulnerable. Little did I know that by Spring my tears would increase.
I remember the night that my son called me and told me that my father had passed. I remember freezing in that moment. Hearing him and processing the information caused me to freeze in that moment. Once we got to the house, to wait for the coroner to come and to remove my father's body from our childhood home, the tears began to fall. I recall standing on the sidewalk in front of the house as we were saying our goodbyes and gathering around him as a family. Those tears were continuous on all of our faces.
I’ve learned that letting myself cry clears space inside me. It doesn’t solve everything, but it softens the pressure. Sometimes after the tears, I can breathe a little easier. Sometimes I can think more clearly. And sometimes all it does is acknowledge the truth of what I’ve been carrying and that alone is enough for that day.
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