I'm in the second week of summer break and I feel a sense of blah. I’m having a hard time sitting still and being content with life. The past 5-6 months have been filled with family, church, work, grad school and other really cool activities. I hosted small group at my home. I joined a national teaching sorority. My son completed the 5th grade really well. I incorporated my companies. The school year ended well for the students at the program in which I teach. For all intents and purposes I should feel a sense of accomplishment. Right? Nope.
Even my 11 year old noticed it last week when he told me, you seem bored when you’re not in school. Ugh!!!!! What is wrong with me that I’m at my best when I am busy beyond belief? Or at least I seem to be anyway? Maybe being busy keeps me from dealing with the one thing that I brush over the most. Me.
Two years ago I lost 65lbs and unfortunately I gained most of it back and I’m only in the dumps about it when I put on some of the really cute clothes I bought last year, and they are a tad snug or I look at items that have not been worn since last summer just kinda hanging in the closet. #sigh #nowwhat
Maybe I expected more. Losing the weight and achieving all of my accomplishments were supposed to be this magic key to unlock this place of contentment and happiness that I thought I was missing as I looked at what everyone else was enjoying. It almost seemed as if I didn’t fit into some spectrum that I thought being smaller and more accomplished would put me in. Heck, check the date, I have not blogged in forever. I’ve even been scared to write my truth. Talk about avoidance.
Now I have to pray and make next steps that benefit that woman God brought to earth and my parents named Arlinda because I did all of that and I did it well….. Now what?