Grief Is Hard, But God Is Still Good

 

This past Friday, I had a procedure. When I came home, I received calls and text messages from family and friends checking to see how I was doing. I was grateful for every one of them.

But somewhere through the grogginess, I had a thought that caught me off guard.

I wondered why my father hadn’t called to check on me.

For a moment, I forgot.

Maybe that’s one of the strange things about grief. There are relationships and routines so deeply woven into us that even after someone is gone, some part of us still expects them to be there.

My father checked on me. He cared about how I was doing. Throughout my life, I knew what it felt like to be cared for by my dad. So perhaps it shouldn’t surprise me that in a vulnerable moment, my mind still expected his call.

Then reality returned.

He’s not here to make that call anymore.

And yes, that hurts.

But instead of allowing that moment to only remind me of what I’ve lost, I can also allow it to remind me of what I had.

I had a father who checked on me.

I had a father whose care was so consistent that even after his death, something within me still expects it.

Grief continues to show up in ways I don’t anticipate. Sometimes it’s an anniversary. Sometimes it’s seeing something I know Daddy would have loved. And sometimes it’s simply looking at my phone and realizing the call I’m waiting for isn’t coming.

I’m learning not to fight those moments.

I let myself miss him.

I let myself remember him.

And I thank God that I had a father whose love left such a deep imprint on my life.

Grief is hard, but God is good.

Both can be true.

I can miss my father deeply and still be grateful.

I can feel the absence and still recognize God’s presence.

And on the days when grief catches me somewhere between what used to be and what is now, I can rest in knowing that the love is still here.

It’s just different now. 💚