There Is Hope

  

 It's kinda hard to believe that October is gone and the newness of November awaits us tomorrow. I think that the past 7 or 8 months have been super hard for me this year. Several large appliances failed, I almost fell deep into depression and some of my fitness goals just went down the drain. It's hard to think  clearly when it ninety plus degrees in your home for weeks. 

    Even in the darkest moments I somehow manage to keep the faith and believe that if God brought me through adversity before, He'll do it again. Coming out of the rough moments this time I noticed something different. I noticed the scars, the damage that stress will do to you when the world weighs heavy on you. I realize now when I eat the most, sleep the most and checkout the most. 

    So, while I came out with no tangible losses, I came out sore for the pain I inflicted on myself. Not physical pain. Emotional pain. That hurts too. Pain of lost time and lost opportunities because with stress I sleep time away. Pain from not staying on my weightloss journey and having to get back on the journey of being consistent. What has been magnified the most, me seeing how I see and value myself when I can't deal with the stress. I love my myself. I need to love myself more.

    Maybe, I've never noticed it before, I clearly see it now. Sometimes, I'm simply not good to myself. Even if I accomplish great tasks, I'm hard on myself when things don't go the way I believe they should. However, there is hope. Hope that this time, I truly see myself and the beauty of all that God allows to flow in and out of my life  Hope that when the next thing comes along that I can't handle, I won't sabotage myself. I'll protect the investment. 

    October saw me come out of a dark space and into some incredible opportunities. It was definitely exceeding and abundantly above all that I could ask for. There is hope and maybe the darkness was needed for me to see bad habits that I had ignored before. For that I'm thankful. 

    My hope is built on nothing less.........