Until I had to make some really hard decisions. Until I had to decide if I wanted temporary pleasure at the cost of my integrity, my character. Until I had to decide if I wanted a few occupied evenings by someone who was not completely available to me, not completely honest with me.
I had to look at my brand and although it hasn't gone mainstream yet, LindarInsights is based on my belief in God and that He'll work things out for my good, that He'll perfect those things that concern me. I write about those things and post online. So how did I get here? With him? And he's not a bad person, just at this point in our lives he's not the one for me.
And so he comes back into my life after a couple of years to "see". See if we can try again. To work out the wrongs of years ago. He extends his hand for me to walk through this open door but as I begin to walk through this door I see the same stuff that was there years ago. The same people, the same actions and I know immediately that I deserve so much more.
Yeah, maybe I deserve someone to love me and to spend time with me but not at the expense of me losing me. So I express this to him and eventually he cuts me out of his life. If it can't be his way then it's no way. So now I have to choose. Do I hang in there or bust a move? I made the choice and it's been so hard to not speak to him or be around him but like my pastor said on last Sunday. I had to do something. I had to make a move. That move was to simply respect his boundaries of cutting me out of his life and deal with it.
The past 2 months have been so difficult but I don't want to stay here, in this place of sadness, hurt and rejection. Just like before I have to move from it and not be hard on myself or bitter with him. I don't know why we met up but then again his "no's" make me run straight to my Daddy who will forever perfect those things that concern me.
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| I wrote this 3 years ago and it really seems like only minutes ago. |
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