Pressing for the Mark

You can have the best intentions and still your plans do not turn out right. How do you move from that? How do you keep going?


The answer for me is to keep my eye on the goal at hand. Even when the goal seems unachievable and unreachable. But to be honest sometimes those days of unachievable and unreachable can be long, dark and just plain hard. Personally I have set some goals for myself that I thought I could obtain. I took all of the necessary steps to achieve the goal. It seems that right when I was at that point of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel the rocks fell and closed the other side of the tunnel.


I do pray! I do read my Bible! I do have faith!


Now I have to reevaluate if those marks that I wanted, for myself, are in the will of God's plan for my life. Is it possible that I am not wanting the things that God wants for me? Do I reach too low? Should I want to reach higher?


As I continue to press for the mark, I have to constantly question is the mark for me to be satisfied or for Him to pleased?

Lindar

Writer's Block

It has been two weeks since my last blog. I have had a lot to write about but I can't seem to organize my thoughts on one topic to come up with a decent blog. So I guess I just want you to know that I am still here.

To give some updates Ghetto Chick is complete. Louie at the print shop has done a wonderful job putting the book together and I am hoping to have several copies printed soon to give out, not to sell. The selling part is coming soon!!! I am proud to say that a friend saw a review copy and bought the book on the spot because she wanted to be my first customer. Yeah!!! I sold my first book. I have also been asked to think about selling my book at several upcoming events. ;) Essence and Oprah here I come.

I have started on my novel Sumthing Special, which is the book birthed out of Ghetto Chick. Now that the wheels are beginning to turn my mind is flooded with ideas and thoughts.

Basketball season is almost over and my son's team continues to amaze me with their determination and effort. This has to be the best season their school has had in years. Go!!! Team!!

Last night my son and I watched A Raisin in the Sun. I was so flattered that he told me that it was on and that I needed to hurry up and come watch it. He could have been watching any movie and he chose that one. How cool is that?

So we watched the movie together and my favorite scene has to be when the mother has the conversation with her daughter, after Walter Lee loses all the money. She tells her daughter "When you measure him, you measure him right." I love that statement. Walter Lee thought he had a good plan for the family. He put his faith into the hands of another man in the hopes of providing a better life for his family. His sister didn't see that, she just knew the money was gone.

When should you really love a person? How do measure that person when you think all is going wrong? Sometimes we have to look from a different perspective and not from the one that makes the most sense to us.

Be Blessed

Lindar

One Night with the King (Juanita Bynum)

Just wanted to share. I have such a love and appreciation for music. I saw this video on the Word Network last year and it has stayed with me.

One night with the King truly changes everything.

Lindar

Forgiveness

In the 1990's I had a wonderful manager at the phone company. She was very centered in astrology and being holistic. She was also a dynamic cook. For the 4th of July one summer she invited the entire staff over to her home. There are two things that I remembered, one she kept the ice tea coming. While we were drinking ice tea she was boiling more in a pot. I thought how cool is that. Never thought it was that simply until I saw the process.

As I walked about her home I noticed a bag of stones and a book. I asked her about them and she told me they were ancient runes. She suggested I think of something that was going on in my life and pull a stone from the bag. I pulled the stone of Serenity. The book provided information about serenity and that was my first encounter with the serenity prayer.

For Christmas that year Bonnie gave me the exact same book and bag of runes, that I still use to this day. The past few weeks, actually the past year has been a test for me. So I decided to pull a rune to speak to those situations. I pulled the rune of Forgiveness tonight.

The passage in the book told me that I have to forgive myself as I heal and then I have to forgive others. You know you can be in a situation and place blame on others and not see what part you played in that situation. Tonight as I begin to heal from the failed marriage and the broken friendships I have to remember to be forgiving of myself for harm or pain I may have caused to others. Maybe when the marriage ended I didn't take that time to take care of me and so the wounds were still open causing more hurt to me and to others.

Remember to take out the time to see yourself in your situations. It isn't always the other person's fault entirely, you always have to look at the part you played also.

Be forgiving of yourself.

Lindar

CDF Cradle to Prison Pipeline® Initiative Slideshow

About four years ago I taught at a mental health facility. As part of my orientation into the program I was shown this video. It immediately brought me to tears.

Sometimes as parents, educators, and community members we have to ask ourselves critical questions about our youth today. To say they are in a crisis is an understatement.

I ask that you view this video and really listen to the words of this song by Yolanda Adams. We need to pray for our youth and for the parents who are raising them.

In His Will
Lindar

Snow Day

Our city has been hit very hard this week between several inches of snow and an ice storm. Our school district has been out of school for two days and tomorrow will make three. What has been the best part of these snow days is the quality time I have spent with my sons.

We have cooked together, camped out in the living room and played indoor basketball. Now that Ty is learning new words, we have to shoot hoops with the songs on loud. That translates into turn up the radio mommy. Oh! We have watched more than our share of Noggin.

If I can say one important thing about my life, I can say that I love being a mother. I could not imagine not making sure they went to bed at night or waking them up in the morning.

So many parents disregard their children, abuse their children, or place them in foster care for selfish reasons. Children aid our growth as people. I remember when my oldest was born I had no clue what it meant to be a mother and I was and am very fortunate to have strong women in my family as role models. My mother was definitely the model but she made sure I carried out my responsiblities.

Our lives are so busy with school, work and sports. Seldom do we have time just to be, the three of us, uninterrupted. These snow days are more than us not having to leave the house to go to school and work it truly has been our time to reconnect and revisit our fun and love for each other.

Happy Snow Day

Lindar

Keep Your Head Up

I have to be honest and say that I hear this song at very interesting parts of my life. It just came on the radio and I had to add it to my blog.

This song represents so much to me, means so much to me. It would be so easy for me to give up persuing my dreams and raising my superstars but I know that God has a plan for me and for them. So I know I have to continue to press my way through.

Not everybody understands, not everybody gets it, but deep in my heart I know that everything that I have been through and am going through if for a greater good.

So when life deals me lemons I have to make the best lemonade I know how. And when people directly and indirectly try to bring me down. I have to remember to keep my head up.

Be Blessed
Lindar

Never Let A Man Call You A B....

In the movie Notorious there is a scene when B.I.G. is sitting with his daughter and he receives a phone call. In that call he makes some negative comments to one of his love interests. He then looks at his daughter and realizes that he has to tell her something important. Some information that will help her in dealing with men.

He puts his daughter on his lap and tells her to never let a man call her a b.... Wow! That was one of those moments when I began to reflect on my relationships with men. I don't know if I have one of those memories where I was told, by my father, that being called a b.... was not a good thing to do. I am not saying that he didn't. I am saying that I do not remember.

Over the years I have been involved in relationships where I was not valued. If I did not do something the other person wanted I was either a b.... or I was acting like one. That scene from the movie has stayed with me all tonight, and into the early morning, as I really think about particular situations I have been in. By being called a b.... have I allowed men to come into my life and chip away at my self-worth, my self-confidence to the point that I am numb to being called such names.

I share my blog with others, friends and family alike, and in doing so I become transparent and brutally honest about my experiences. I don't know how that will sit. But on my road to recovery from dealing with men who come into my life and crushed my heart and my soul I have to get it, the pain, the hurt and the frustration, out. I remember sitting down with my aunt one evening. She told me that my experiences, with men, were not for me but for someone else. I am now ready to go and speak about my life. I know that I was put here for a reason, my purpose has been established.

I am not a bitch. I am not dumb and stupid. I am not fake nor phony. I am my parents' daughter. I am my sons' mother. I am attractive, smart, beautiful, and intelligent. I am a writer, a thinker, and a very creative soul. No longer will I settle for any man who will refer to me as anything but wonderful.

Be Blessed

Lindar

Biggie Smalls - Juicy [Music Video]

Biggie Smalls

Yesterday I went to the movies to see Notorious. I must say that I really enjoyed the movie and I felt that the movie was not simply about B.I.G. It also dealt with his relationships with his mother, his love interests and his daughter.

I have tremendous respect for his mother. By the end of the movie I was in tears and so was my friend. If I told you at what point that the tears came it may ruin the movie for you. I will say that in the end I believe Ms. Wallace realized that although her son had not finished school, like she may have wanted him to, he had touched many people with his stories. She was also able to stay strong for her son and his children through her own personal struggles and accomplishments.

My teenage son also went to the movie with us. I think it was important for him to see the movie with me. This music set the foundation for his introduction to hip hop. For years he would hear his father and me go crazy when "Juicy" came on. He definitely has a better understanding of why hip hop is important to society and his parents. It was so cool to sit with him and be able to discuss different points of the movie for clarity. I knew that when the movie came out he would be with me to view it.

I will see this movie again. It was truly an incredible movie. I knew a great deal about Mr. Wallace's life via magazines and interviews but seeing the movie put it all together in away that showed he wasn't just handed his title of one of the greatest rappers ever. He truly earned it and he truly deserves it. I think I will be 50 years old and still enjoy listening to his music. I will always love Big Poppa.

Lindar