HOSANNA BE LIFTED HIGHER Israel Houghton and New Breed BY EYDELY WORSHIP...

DICK'S Sporting Goods Presents: Fifth Ward Saints

Seek Search Seize ~ Matthew 6:33

On last Wednesday I'm driving home from work and simply pressed record on my phone. I pray this blesses you.

Yet, The Keeper

The doll sat years unattended to

After being separated from the last owner

The doll didn’t get passed around

Or selected by another owner

Yet, she sat

In her splendor she allowed the Light to shine on her

To heal 

To learn 

To grow

As fate would have it the former keeper reemerged

A better version from before

He knew how to find her

And he did

Yet, he was scared

Frightened

Unsure

He had been hidden in the darkness

Yet, her light gave him hope

Hope that offered him peace

Yet, he was scared

More so he didn’t want to harm 

Or separate from

What he now realized 

He always had

The very treasure he had been searching for

Check out #dollkeeper

Unraveled

So, it's been 7 weeks and 1 day. How do I know that? I just do and today is my birthday eve so I have all kinds of thoughts and emotions. Back in February 2009 a relationship ended that broke my heart, left me sad and hating snow days. If I were real honest he and I shouldn't have been together then. I was separated and nearing divorce and he had stuff going on. We tried. It didn't work.

     When it ended it was like "ugh" another failed relationship. So for the past 7 years I've focused on my sons, ministry, work, you name it and I was doing it. I was busy. When I wasn't busy, I was sleepy because.... Well, I was busy.

     Honestly, I remember the weekend leading up to him reappearing. I had made a candle of hydrangea, lavender and chamomile. On that Sunday I lit it and said, "He would love this candle." I'm so serious when I say that the very next day I heard from him.

     What I believed to be that moment of openness and forgiveness quickly moved to the cover being removed off a hurt that I had carried and masked as being ok. I had to face myself and say honestly, "You've never healed." It still hurts. Now I was becoming not myself. It felt like my perfect ball of yarn had become unraveled. My truth about yarn is that I buy it and 1 of 2 people put it in a neat ball for me because I don't know how. Boy! Was this now more evident as I tried to maintain. I couldn't put the yarn back into a ball.

     I became frustrated, sad, and angry. I called on my friend Lauren, who is always a beacon of light. I called on God because now isn't a good time for dude to show up. As gentle as God is, He softly said, "I knew he would come. You have to deal with it because you never really have."

     My friend and I have had hard conversations and I mean hard. One day he repeated to me things I said to him or I did while we were together. I never voiced it but I thought, "Did I say that?" I'd always shared what he did or said. I had to be honest with self, yet again, I seldom revealed my hand in this. This is not to defend him but to disclose that I wasn't perfect in that relationship. To top it off one Sunday, Quiera came all the way from Atlanta to tell me through a sermon that sometimes it's not everyone else, sometimes it's you. "Who?" Smh. Yeah, it's time for me to self reflect.

     About 19 years ago I met him. He had me at hello. Our friendship survived downsizing, Katrina and failed relationships on both ends. We'd always had each other's backs until we became a couple. We were so used to always going to each other when crisis hit that we had no idea how to be out of crisis and at peace with each other.

     When I lit that beautifully scented candle I had not idea that at the thought of him, he would appear. Just maybe this will foster healing for both of us so that we can move forward. I know one thing for sure and two things for certain being unraveled is for the birds. I need to learn how to patiently put this yarn back into a ball.

*written 11.15.16 #mybirthdayeve

Keion Jackson: God is in my ice cream

Fantasia - Necessary (Live on Joyful Noise)

Doll Keeper by Elliptical

Now this is an illusion we have seen before 

On my gloomiest days

I love when I see one in traffic or walking around the store

But the few I hold in the highest regard

The polynomial perplexed heavenly powerful

A circumference 360 degrees

No reform needed or modification

See, I've been all around the country

In and out of antique stores

Flee markets, houses, homes, and some hiding places

Looking for sweet-hearted, attractive and unalike

Just to make, organize, completely comparison section to none exhibition

In a lifelong process

Particular I am

And there's nothing wrong with me

Some collect

Collect to keep Collect to sale

But I'll keep looking  

And there's no wage in the world 

That can make me part with my doll