Creative Block - Cry When You Need To
Crying is not a setback. It’s a release. Holding everything in doesn’t make you stronger, it makes the weight heavier. Grief needs somewhere to go, and tears are often the safest place for it to land. They don’t mean you’re undone; they mean you’re processing. You're processing what was. You're processing letting go.
When I was in the hospital people would come to visit almost daily. Every time someone would walk into my room I thought, "Oh my God!" & I would immediately begin to cry. Visitors came daily. Some were such a surprise. I would simply cry at the sight of them because it was overwhelming. Knowing that people had thought enough about me to come and visit me at the hospital or hang out with me in the hospital made me reel so vulnerable. Little did I know that by Spring my tears would increase.
I remember the night that my son called me and told me that my father had passed. I remember freezing in that moment. Hearing him and processing the information caused me to freeze in that moment. Once we got to the house, to wait for the coroner to come and to remove my father's body from our childhood home, the tears began to fall. I recall standing on the sidewalk in front of the house as we were saying our goodbyes and gathering around him as a family. Those tears were continuous on all of our faces.
I’ve learned that letting myself cry clears space inside me. It doesn’t solve everything, but it softens the pressure. Sometimes after the tears, I can breathe a little easier. Sometimes I can think more clearly. And sometimes all it does is acknowledge the truth of what I’ve been carrying and that alone is enough for that day.
Creative Block - There Is Value In At Least Trying
Each day has been a try for me. Each day.
I remember when I came home from the hospital, well even going back to when I was in rehabilitation. It was hard to get up and try. I felt such defeat. How did I go from an ear infection to ICU? The impact that it had on my body was so overwhelming. Defeating. But there was a team at rehabilitation that had no "no" in them. So, I had to get up whether I wanted to or not.
Each day I had to attend strength class, practice walking with the bars or simply practice sitting down on a bed and getting off of a bed. It was so hard.
When I came home I had ADA equipment to help maneuver around my home. I had therapy. I had doctor's appointments. And I was hurting. I was probably more hurt mentally than I was physically. Most days I was out of it. Fortunately, I had a little fight in me. Add to that my sons' persistence and my PT showing up with expectations, each day I began to try more.
Trying doesn’t have to mean producing something impressive or finishing something big. Sometimes trying looks like opening a journal and writing one sentence. Sometimes it looks like sitting quietly and letting the thoughts pass without forcing them into order. Effort matters, even when the outcome feels small.
When I started PT, I'd be so exhausted. My therapist encouraged me to keep going or to take a break when I needed it. For me trying includes having accountability. If I had to complete PT on my own, I wouldn't have done it. My intrinsic motivation was in the negative. 📉
There is value in choosing to engage with life in gentle ways, calling a friend, laughing when you can, returning to something you love even briefly. Kind of like me writing this blog series. These moments don’t erase grief, but they remind me that joy still exists alongside it. Trying is not about pushing through pain; it’s about staying connected to yourself while you heal.
"If at first you don't succeed dust yourself off and try again." - Aaliyah
Creative Block - Be Honest With Your Support System
Honesty creates room to breathe. It allows the people who love you to show up fully, instead of guessing or assuming. Saying, “Today is hard,” or “I don’t have words right now,” is not weakness. It’s clarity. And clarity invites connection, support, and sometimes relief—if only for a moment.
Between my sister and my three closest girlfriends, I can almost guarantee that one of them will pick up when I'm shutting the world out. In those moments I am grateful to have someone try to pull me out of that space of grief, depression and loneliness.
What's crazy to me is that I tend to be outgoing and pretty much happy go lucky. However, since Fall of 2024 my days have been so unpredictable. I honestly think that writing about it has been really helpful for me.
Creative Block - Be Patient With Yourself
Patience is not something grief asks politely for, it demands it. Trauma and loss don’t move in straight lines, and neither does healing. Some days you wake up ready to try, ready to write, ready to think clearly. Other days, your mind feels foggy, your body feels heavy, and even the smallest task feels like too much. That isn’t failure. That’s grief doing what grief does.
Grief will have you rethinking and reshaping your identity. As the clock was counting down to 2026, anxiety set in. I felt that my father's memory was slipping away along with 2025. I was leaving the year I lost him and entering a new era without him. That was hard. I've never known a year without my father. This is new territory for me.
Seeing Diana Ross perform on television reminded me of watching Mahogany and Lady Sings The Blues with my parents. Do you know where you're going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you? As of right now, I'm not so sure.
I’ve had to learn that impatience with myself only adds another layer of pain. When you’ve been through illness, disruption, and loss back-to-back, your nervous system is still catching up. Yes, my nervous is still catching up, even nearly a year and a half later. Healing doesn’t follow a schedule, and creativity doesn’t respond well to pressure. Patience becomes an act of compassion—one that says, I’m allowed to move at the pace my life has set for me.
Check out my post Creative Block - Getting Back To Trying
Creative Block - Getting Back To Trying
One day this week my mom asked me if I had been writing recently. I didn't know how to answer that question. What I've been trying to do, especially since December is to journal my days. I've been trying to post more on this blog site and to my social media pages. Like I have really been trying.
But some days it's hard. It's hard to gather my thoughts, to organize my thoughts and then to put my thoughts on paper or to type them out or use dictation. Some days it's just hard. Over the past year and a half my life has had so many moments of grief that I find difficult to complete writings or to continue posting on my blog. It really depends on the day.
Grief has a way of taking hold of you. Even as I try to fight for things to be normal, grief seems to hold me back and sometimes I can't move forward or I move very slowly. I liken it to a runner being prevented from continuing a race because someone is physically holding them back,
I have learned that grief has shown up in several areas of my life. It's the ending of a career, it's the time loss because of illness and the passing of a relative. When you combine all of that happening in less than 2 years, I have to be honest and say most days are difficult. Well maybe not most days, how about some days are difficult.
I love to write. I'm very creative. I am a creative who has dealt with hard things over the past couple of years. I have therapy and I have my support system. I make sure I get enough sleep and I do need to drink more water. If I could give advice to anybody who's in a similar situation I would tell them;
- Be patient with yourself because going through trauma and grief has a way of spiraling in a way that sometimes you can't really control.
- Be honest with your support system. Don't try to go through life and make it seem like you're okay and everything is just fine. Because everything isn't just fine.
- There is value in at least trying. Make an attempt each day to do something that you love. Make an attempt each day to talk to your family and talk to your friends. Get a good laughing.
- Cry when you need to. It does you no good to hold everything in.
Since Fall of 2024 I have gone from having a serious illness, to rehabilitation, to trying to heal at home and to losing my father less than a year later. There are days where I just sit & wonder & pray & believe that I'll get back on the pathway of writing and creating. But right now honestly I do have a creative block that I working through.
It might not seem like it with his long blog. lol This is really a heart spill for me just to get it all out.
For that I'm grateful.
Arlinda
James 3v2 - We All Stumble In Many Ways
"We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check."
James 3:2 NIV
Recently someone shared with me that they felt another person acted "unChrist-like". I immediately told them, "Hold on, we all fall short daily."
Just as this scripture states we all stumble in many ways. You just never know if someone is having a bad day, struggling with finances or simply trying to manage time to care for others and themselves. Life right now is difficult for so many people.
We have to learn to grant grace and to realize that none of are perfect. Rather, we're human with complexities as we navigate the same 24 hours as everyone else.
(Originally posted on 8.17.2024)
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